Thursday, October 31, 2013

Identity

As mom pulled the car into the parking lot I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get my legs to move from the floorboard to the asphalt when the ignition shut off.  The Arkansas Tech University dorm loomed ahead of me.  Time to be on my own.  Time to drink something other than my grandmother's sweet tea.  Time to move beyond slumber parties to roommates, community bathrooms, and sorority parties.  Time to be independent.

But I wasn't feeling it.  

Why did every girl but me have a brightly-colored comforter that matched someone else's?  How did they know each other?  Did I miss a pre-dorm party?  I knew no one!  The only two people I knew were getting ready to drive back to my home town in about an hour and eat my grandmother's chicken and dumplings.  (I'm not sure about the chicken and dumplings but I'm sure it was something other than cafeteria food.)  My mom was quiet as we finished putting away what amounted to enough stuff for about five college students, and my brother has since told me that visiting my college dorm was what made him want to go to college.

As I was walking them out of the dorm I remember thinking, "It would at least be nice to know someone to sit in the cafeteria with!"   

"Hey!  Do I know you?"  I heard someone yell from behind us.  Whew!  I knew I had to know someone.  We all turned around and I noticed the girl wasn't looking at me, but starting a conversation with my brother.  Yep, I knew no one but my brother was right at home.

"Daniel!  Remember me?"

I have been known as "Daniel's Sister" a few times in my life and I have always loved it!  Have you met my brother?  I could go on and on...I'll just tell you he's awesome.

But at that lonely moment I really just wanted to meet someone to go eat the mystery cafeteria casserole with.

Even though I have always been more than happy for my identity to be associated with my brother, in our culture there is often a negative connotation in having an identity tied up with someone else's.  As though if we couldn't have an independent identity we were weak or not good enough.  Why is that?  Where did that mentality come from?

I'm so glad a big part of my identity is wrapped up in these two guys...my brother, Daniel, on the left and my husband, Philip, on the right.  We like sunglasses.

I think our idea that we must have an identity independent of anyone else's could be hurting us.  I am overjoyed to be Daniel's Sister.  Glory's Mother and Advocate.  Philip's Wife.  Eliana's Mother.  If it weren't for those roles, who would I be?  What if we all let our identities be wrapped up in the less fortunate, the poor, the hungry, the widows, the oppressed?  What if you were known as the one who loved the unloveable?  The one who housed the orphans?  The one who gave clean water to those who had none?  

Our identities might not be independent, but they would be eternal.

1 comment:

  1. I've always enjoyed, and now more and more feel very honored, to be known as Kerry's brother. Absolutely LOVE the blog post.

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